I'll admit, as I get close to surgery date (Monday!!!), I'm getting really anxious.
I've spent my last week doing all the things I won't be able to do for a while.
Drive. Run errands. Chores. Work.
And of course, training.
My last classes this week at Elite Dragon and at the Kansas City Presas Arnis Meetup are reviews of some of my very most favorite double-stick material.
Yep, we are playing a HELL of a lot of sinawali.
Of course, it absolutely blows out my shoulder, doing this, but hey, it can't get any worse, and I can tolerate it knowing that there's an end in sight.
And I can spend some time in material that makes me warm-fuzzy happy. I love the physicality of it, I love the brain candy of it, and I absolutely love teaching others the material too.
The anxiety I'm experiencing right now isn't about the surgery itself. I'm not really worried about that, at all.
It's the aftermath.
It's not being able to do for myself and others while I heal.
It's fine to be inactive when you want to be, but when you HAVE to be... ugh.
Then there's the daunting task of the hard work of physical therapy I have ahead of me. I have heard how hard it can be, and that is not something I'm really excited about, although I'm 100% determined to do it by the book.
Finally, it's not having my happy place - training - to go to while this is all happening.
Training is a big stress reliever for me, it's the one place I can retreat to when life gets tough. It's where I feel comfortable, competent, and strong. I'm NOT a stubby pudgy suburban middle aged woman when I have a stick in my hand, y'know?
I don't get any of that for a while.
I am following doctor's order's exactly in the recovery process. I can't train with my left either, and until he clears me to do it, I won't even try things like footwork drills.
I'm going to rest, watch a lot of videos, read some, and heal up.
Because I am coming back, with a vengeance, and eventually, I'll be better than I have been for a couple of years now.
That makes it all worth it.
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